Episode 106: Iesha's Journey of Resilience and Self-Discovery After Domestic Violence: A Naked Truth Conversation

106. Iesha's Journey of Resilience and Self-Discovery After Domestic Violence: A Naked Truth Conversation

This episode discusses domestic violence and incarceration. Please take care while listening.

In this heartfelt episode, Iesha opens up about her struggles with panic attacks, her empathetic nature, and the significant losses she has faced in life. Through a candid conversation, Aisha reveals her aspirations in psychology and her deep connections with spirituality and family. She shares powerful insights into dealing with anxiety, the impact of childhood experiences, and the importance of resilience.

TOPICS

00:00 Intro

00:17 Aisha's Panic Attack Experience

01:13 Empathy and Emotional Sensitivity

01:42 Personal Losses and Emotional Impact

02:37 Spiritual Connections and Signs

03:36 Struggles with Panic Attacks

04:37 Childhood and Emotional Suppression

10:43 Domestic Violence and Legal Struggles

19:51 Resilience and Recovery

24:29 Coping Mechanisms and Therapy

34:43 Unexpected Grief Resurfacing

36:51 Childhood Conditioning and Resilience

38:33 Family Dynamics and Personal Growth

39:40 Struggles with Self-Worth and Success

41:48 Breaking Free from Family Expectations

46:05 Embracing Personal Success

48:34 Pursuing Passion and Helping Others

01:01:14 Launching a Podcast to Inspire

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TRANSCRIPT

Welcome Iesha. Hello. It's such a wonderful name. Thank you. And it's so good to have you here.

Thank you. It's good to be here.

And I'm going to share the story because I think this was so good. Yes. Um, as I was waiting for Aisha, she came in on the phone. She seemed a little high anxiety, high anxiety. And.

And then you shared with me that you, uh, just had a panic attack driving over here. I was still in the panic attack when I walked in the

door.

And you know, it's so funny because I, uh, I feel like I sometimes feel people's emotions when I'm around them. So. I started to feel like I couldn't breathe, and I was holding my breath a lot, and every, like, I still feel like there's so much, like, things stuck in my gut right now, like, I can't, you know, keep breathing.

I'm so sorry. No, it's okay. It's, it's wonderful because, um, because that really helps me to know how someone else feels because I sometimes, you know, You know, pick up these kind of body, uh, emotions or something like that. So, tell us what happened and, and as you were driving here, like, what was going on and tell us about the panic attack.

Well,

that's actually funny that you said that. Mm

hmm.

Because I think that's why I have the panic attacks. I think I'm very much like that. Um, you know, there, uh, my, my daughter goes to daycare. I have, I have three children. Mm hmm. I have a 21 year old daughter, I have a 17 year old son, and I have a 2 year old daughter.

And so she goes to daycare and one of the mothers, um, from the daycare got stuck in the accident on 270 and she wound up losing her life. And, um, I put, I, I, I was driving here thinking of how she felt and then I just lost my grandmother. And so, you know, even just talking about it, you know, makes me get all clammy.

Yes. Um, but it's just, you know, I do, like I put myself in, I really. Like try to put myself in someone else's shoes of how they, how they feel. You're an empath. I'm very much, and I guess, I guess I'm really truly understanding what that means. You can feel other people's emotions easily. Yeah, and I'm really, um, you know, I'm gonna cry guys.

That's okay. Uh, you know, I guess it's one of those things you were saying earlier, how when you were talking to God, um, I, you know, I, I believe I've asked God to like use me the way he wants to use me. And I don't know when I did that. Um, but I think, you know, that is what's been happening throughout all these years in my journey.

Um, is, he is, and I think that's like a way. They uses me as he allows me to feel other people.

Mm hmm.

So

yeah, you're a beautiful soul Yeah and and I was gonna tell you, you know, I can tell that you're a go getter just by looking at you and And knowing that how tense you are and that you have panic attacks.

I already know that You're experiencing it because there's so much on your mind. And you worry about other people constantly. And you worry that you're not going to please somebody or you're not going to be someplace on time. Or, you know, or disappoint someone. And you don't want to do that, you know. And so, so, so the breath, you know, and I still can't breathe very well.

Um, it's, It's just life force. You know, if we allow ourselves to just be and just be in the car and drive and not think about the past and what happened to other people or not think about the future and who am I going to disappoint, then, then we can get through it. But as soon as we are in the future or in the past, we're We are at risk to have some of these panic attacks.

Yes. But, it happens because we're such great, awesome people. And our body is basically showing the signs of that high stress that we mentally experience. Right?

Yeah,

like you literally

just nailed it all on the, on the head. Um, you know, it's weird because you wonder like, when did I become like

this?

Childhood. Wanted to be a good little girl. Somebody was arguing. Somebody was not happy with somebody. And, and you took it all on yourself. And you felt all the pain. One of the parents or both, and you didn't, one of them walked away probably.

My dad.

Yeah. So, so you took it, uh, something that you did. You did something wrong as that little beautiful girl, and daddy walked away, and now you're suffering.

You, you want to make sure you will never make that mistake again. And how silly is that, right? So, so maybe it's not even fear of death that's making that panic attack worse. It's the fear of losing someone, losing yourself, or having your kids go through losing you. Right? It's scary. Then you talk to God and you're like, what's happening, God?

I want you to use me as your vessel, as whatever is needed. Tell me what's needed. But we never know. God never, if you can hear God, I'm going to hospitalize you.

Man, trust me, sometimes I like, I talk to him so much. Mm

hmm. Yeah.

He answers me, um, sometimes he answers me in real time. In signs? Yeah. And that's the thing, like, I'm really, I pay attention to numbers and things like that. Me too. Really? Yeah. That's why I said. That's why I

said before the podcast, I wish I was a lesbian, I would be asking you out right now.

This woman's my kind of woman.

I'm very flattered. Yes! Like, you get me. The edge of your heart. And it's nice to have somebody get you. Yes. Yeah, but, dude, I pay attention to numbers, like, all the time. And, um, I literally see my birthday, like, all the time, guys. What's your birthday? My birthday is November 26th.

Okay. And the beautiful thing about my birthday is I was born on Thanksgiving. And I was born on my grandmother, who I just lost. I was born on her birthday. She was born on Thanksgiving. That only happens every seven years. And then, um, I was also her first grandchild. So it's like, I, I feel like really connected to her.

My birthday and I see my birthday like the numbers when I tell you guys like all the time like I I'm like There's no way there's this many cars driving around with license plates 11 26 and it's like a normal thing for me to see 11 26 I'm, so happy to meet another crazy person like me. That's why I tell you love it.

I'm right. Yes So I just numbers and like the other day. Um, I was having um a panic attack. And this one wasn't like this one. Um, I was in my kitchen, um, and, uh, I just stood, you know, breathing, talking to God. I was very frustrated, um, very anxious. And I was asking him just that, like, what is going on? Like, I am so confused.

I'm so frustrated. I'm so tired. I'm so stressed. And, um, I just wanted answers, and the next day, I was taking my daughter to daycare, I leave, and um, this car like butts in front of me so aggressively, and I was about to lay my hand on the horn, and I looked at the license plates, and the license plates said Eesh, which is my nickname, E S H.

6844. And I'm like, for one, I've never seen each, so that was kind of funny to me. I'm like, oh my name, you know. But then I said, huh, 6844. I'm like, those, those aren't like angel numbers. And then, but something said to just go home and Google it. And I did. And when I tell you every single thing I asked him, he answered.

Um, even down to like the education piece, because me going back to school hasn't been really understood by a lot of people. Um, I actually kind of lost like a really good friend, and I think it kind of stemmed from that. Um, she like said things to me like, aren't we like too old to be learning and

growing and Yeah, she did.

First of all, you look 21, barely legal. Yeah,

I wish. No, I don't wish. I like being in my 40s, but thank you. Um, but it hasn't been supported. Like even like my stepmother, she was like, And why, and why are you doing that and what are you going to do with it? Because I'm fabulous and I want to learn more, right?

I like, I want to learn more and I want to help people. Um, but it's like, you know, even like, even down to that piece where in there he said like, you know, um, the, you're going back to school is not going to be understood. Like these are like literally parts and like. of the information that came up from the 6844 and I was just like, you've got to be kidding.

Like funny enough, 844 is my lucky number. Are you kidding? No, it's, it's a part of my home number that I used to have with my ex husband. That was the love of my life. So I always consider 844 like the home, like coming home, you know, kind of like that. So thank you for bringing that number up.

Yeah. See how everything's

connected?

Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

That literally like made me feel better right there. Just even you saying that. Yeah. Yeah. Everything happens. So beautiful. I know. If I didn't say anything to my accountant across the hall, we would have never met. Never met.

Yes. And if, if Selfie was here right on time, we would have never had time to process all the stuff we did.

So. I was thinking

that because this, I think this is the first time that's. You're late. Well, late, like. And had no, like, it was, anyway, the calendar wasn't even, wasn't even in my calendar and I have, like, a calendar out six months. Yep. Like, what happened? See, it's meant to be.

A certain way. Yeah. Yeah. That makes me feel better, too.

Yeah. Like, all that stuff.

Well, and we talked about, before you got here, Sophie, we talked about the fear of death. Because there's a lot of losses you experienced. I've lost so many

people. So much. Mm hmm. This, from September until now, I lost my aunts. I lost my cousin who was a couple months younger than me.

I lost my clients. I lost my grandmother. I've lost a best friend. She's still living, but we're no longer friends. And then before that, I've lost, like, everything, um, Like your Everything. I lost, like, my home finances, um, from a domestic violence situation that, you know, Like he put his hands on me, but when the police came, he had a knot on his eye because of course I fought back.

Like he put his hands on me while I was holding our 10 month old daughter. And, um, so they took me. And when they took me to jail, I was in jail for two days. He had my daughter. Um, they put the house on the market. Within the two days I was there and then of course since right now the court thinks that I put my hands on him There was a restraining order so I wasn't even able to get into the house to get any of my stuff and the police were not helpful and they were Like well, if he won't let you in we can't make him let you in.

Yep, even though I had a court order for so once so once it came out once the Prosecutor saw the footage from the night the body cam She knew immediately that they arrested the wrong person. Um, she told my attorney that. She was like, I can't dismiss it yet because I have to watch his footage. Um, and then before we could even get any further, I, I, I, when I got to jail, that's when I realized, like, When I was taking my clothes off, the intake lady was like, he sure left his fingerprints all over you.

And I was like, I had bruises all over my arms and like my legs because he had like taken my leg up underneath me and like slammed me on the corner of the bed. So with doing that they took the victim into the jail took the victim into the jail And they were like so that the front of work and they are in a rooms where police, you know They actually one of the women actually wind up calling me months later and apologizing But he wanted fracturing my rib.

So once that came out literally like They had court and um, cause I mean, he would show up to court and everything for this stuff, like, completely pretending, like, acting like a wounded person, like, he and his parents. So they literally even came into the courtroom crying. And my attorney would not even let me in the courtroom.

He was like, I'm not gonna have you in there like you're some criminal. So he, I wasn't even in the courtroom. Like he, I had an amazing attorney. He protected me. Um, but yeah, so once they, once they realized, oh wow, um, then Reynoldsburg police tried to cover themselves. At this point now, I mean at this point, the house is about to be sold.

All my stuff is in the house. Mind you, he kept like my kids stuff, his daughter's stuff. Like, I had went through, you know, I'm a saver. I'm in real estate and you know, I had did really well for myself. Um, so you know, I had approximately, you know, 30, 000. Um, and so, I went through all of that, my credit cards, paying attorneys, um, you know, everything, having to re buy everything, getting my stuff moved into storage, getting my stuff moved out of storage, I mean, literally in a blink of an eye.

Um, within 10 minutes, my whole life changed. So to have that, you know, that was October 20, um, 22. And then, you know, we get into 2023 and it's like, by that fall, I have lost all those people. Um, so it's just been a lot of loss. And I think, too, that's, you know, really pushing my panic attacks because When you have something like that happen so immediate, um, you know, like I never seen it come in.

Like my food was sitting like just crazy. Like you just, even when I go back to that day, I, I know it has truly traumatized me because I just, I truly didn't see it coming.

Well, not only you lost everything, but you were also classified as the criminal and the aggressor and taken into jail. I mean, and then nobody believed you for months, sounds

like.

Um, and my family didn't support me. Oh my goodness. Um, my cousin, like I have my cousin and my aunts in them. They like, that's who I stayed with. They did. But my father and my brother didn't believe me. Like I had begged them to go get my daughter. I'm calling from jail. I didn't even, you know, thing is, I didn't even cry.

I was, the police that did arrest me, they literally kept telling me like, You're amazing. Like, this is like, you know what I mean, like, you're gonna be okay, like, he's not gonna show up. They were like, thank you for being so cooperative. Like, they even took the handcuffs off of me. Like, they walked me into the court, you know what I mean, and everything.

They knew, you know, um, She knew, the woman cop really, really, you know, um, but, you know, I, I never cried. I did not cry until I called my brother and I'm like, do you have my daughter? And he's like, no. And then just the way they treated me after that, like, I had no idea where, you know, I knew he had my baby, um, and he did not take care of my baby.

Like by the time I got my baby back, she's like a cloth. Diapered baby, you know what I mean, um, she had like diaper rash, her, her milk, she had, she was being breastfed and like her milk was like old milk in there and like the pictures that my daughter took, cause now I have to tell my kids cause like my daughter's in college, she flew home to get her baby sister.

The pictures that she took of my baby, you could just see how swollen her eyes were from crying.

Oh, dang.

Um, so it's so much trauma there. From every aspect of it. From going, being in jail, seeing some of these women in jail.

Mm-Hmm. . And

what their stories. 'cause it's funny being in there. I did this, like I was talking to them.

Mm-Hmm. .

And you had women going through withdrawals. Sure. And they were, you know, feces on themselves, vomiting. No one was. No one, no one listen, cared, listens. No one cares. They didn't care. I know at all about these women. Horrible. Um, you had other women, very petite like yourself, and the cops had like, put handcuffs on her, and they had like, beat her, so her wrists were so red and just cut from the handcuffs.

And then to hear the sheriff, you know, The sheriffs literally say like we, you know, they're going off like, because the one sheriff said to her like, what happened to you? She was like, you know, the Columbus police, they put the handcuffs on me and they beat me to the, I mean, little bitty thing. And he's like, I'm, we're so effing tired of, of getting, you know, people coming in here looking like that.

We keep telling Columbus police, and I was in there like, this is, like, this was so crazy to me. To witness all that. To witness all of this. It was. There was a pregnant woman in there, same thing. She was in there for domestic violence, and it's funny, there was so many women in there for domestic violence, with all these men, and I'm like, and she was pregnant, and, and, she had bruises on her too, and the police took her.

And, and I'm like, and that, you know, God works in mysterious ways. But I'm telling you guys, When I knew I was already going back to school, but when I got out of there and my mind kind of got a little better, I literally, that's the first thing I did, was I went online and I signed up for school. Like, I did my FAFSA, I did everything like immediately.

But that's kind of how my brain works, you know. But I knew listening to those women, I'm like, somebody has to like, I don't, I just felt like I had to do something.

Mm hmm.

There's no way I could, like, walk away from that whole situation. And I'm like, if this could happen to me It can happen to anyone.

And how many people does it happen to every day?

Being accused falsely of something and then spending time in jail and then trying to save your kids, but you're in jail and then not having anybody that you can ask for help. Meanwhile, the perpetrator has the As the kids, you know, it's horrible

living his life living his life. So

give us a little bit of a happy ending here So so so happy ending happy ending still

working on it.

I'm not gonna lie. Give us something. We um, You know, I will say um the takeaways One like my best friend just told me when we were on the phone. I am very resilient. I am realizing that I am can really get through anything. Um, I'm realizing that I get back up. Uh, there's been a lot of times, you know, we all get really knocked down a lot of times in life.

And not everybody can actually get back up and not just get back up but thrive again. And so You know, I've had two major knockdowns with that being one, and I've been able to get back up and thrive again. You know what I mean? Um, and also like, when I, I find out who I am more after each time. And it's like, it allows me to be truly okay with who I am.

Because once you've been, like, stripped, you

know what I mean? Of your money, of your house, of your identity, and then you're in jail, and then, then what happens? When you're, when you're stripped of all of this? You

have, like, you look at yourself like, who am I?

And

you just really want to be who you authentically are.

And that, that has definitely been, I'd say, the happy ending, and you know, um, I don't look for people's, um, like permission or even their praise that we were talking about with me being a kid and where you think a lot of that came from. I don't look for that because I haven't had it, and I think my therapist is really the one really helped me understand that, like, you're looking for something you never got, so.

Stop looking for it, like give it to yourself. Give it to yourself. It's perfect. And give it to others. Mm hmm. That helps me. The beautiful takeaway. Yeah. But you're safe now, you have a place to stay, a home. Oh yeah, you know, I get back up now. So I got, you know, and God always, he's always with me. So, you know, I moved into an awesome little townhouse, which made me realize too, like, I don't want another house until it's the farm, because I want my farm.

Um, You know, uh, completely remodel it. It's so cute. I love it. It's super chic. Um, you know, my kids are doing great. Um, I can tell my kids are proud of me.

Mm hmm.

Um, my two year old is absolutely amazing. She is so loved. She is so smart.

Mm hmm.

Um, I, I look at my kids and that, and, you know, You know, sometimes you don't really see what you do, really.

Until you see your, your kids? Uh huh. What did you see? They're amazing. They're, they're, they're so, they're so empathetic to others. They each have a relationship with God. Like, my daughter was just singing, my two year old was just singing Look at God the other day. Like, the fact that, like, when we're, like, watching church or in church, she's, like, clapping and so into it.

Mm hmm.

Like, they, they pray, you know. They write me scriptures. My daughter writes me scriptures a lot. She'll leave my little postcards and things like that. Very creative. Very creative. Especially, like, you know, she knows mom's having a hard time. She'll write me scripture. Just when they write me letters and things like that for, like, Christmas and birthdays, what they say.

I Um, and how they take care of others, and how they take care of themselves, you know? Um, yeah, I'm like, they are some really amazing people, so I'm like, I know, I, I did that. You're amazing. Yeah, I did that.

And you know, it was, it was, it was so amazing when she, you know, comes in here, and then I learned that she's going through a panic attack, and then I learned that, and then Even though she was in the middle of the panic attack, she kept going and she never pulled over, she never stopped.

You decided, Aisha, that it was better to just get through with it and not give into it, it sounds like, and you kept fighting and you won.

Yeah, well, that's because you guys also helped with this, you know, sometimes they can last a little longer. But, you know, like you just, the way you were able to jump in and just kind of start talking to me and you didn't look at me like I was crazy, you know?

A lot of people don't understand panic attacks. I know I didn't even understand it and I was having them,

you

know? Um, so people don't really understand it and they don't really understand like it, you really can feel like you are like about to die, you know? And it's like weird though, it's not like, you know?

It's just, it just kind of sucks everything out of you for a moment. And you know, there's all the different touch points you can do, you know, like So what

did you do? Yeah, you said your therapist told you to do a few things. So tell us what you

did to, to help you get through it. Um, he, you know, What can you smell?

Name three things you can smell, name three things you can see, three things you can touch, three things you can hear. Um, I typically always go through them alone, but something I, I'm really also trying to be vulnerable and ask for help because that is something I've never been good at. And so I, I did, I called my friends, um, and she picked up immediately.

And, uh, as soon as I said I'm having a panic attack, she was like, didn't the doctor tell you let her away? Like, didn't the doctor tell you to pull over? And I said, I can't. Like, I can't pull over. I'm just gonna drive through it. You know what I mean? I'm like, I'm on the highway. And I'm just like, you know, and I'm like, well, how's your day?

She's like, no. She was like, let's do this. And so the fact that she jumped in and she was like. What can you see? Tell me what you can see, you know, and then she's okay. And then, you know, it just she just took it from there.

Mm hmm,

and it stayed still, you know Because sometimes I feel like my vision goes a little blurry things like that.

That can be scary because I'm driving. Yeah, you would have to pull over then. Yes, but the same but you know It's one of those things where and this is for me. So just anybody else having a panic panic attacks, please do what's best for you Please do what's best for you, because that's the number one thing I want to make sure I, like, do what's best for you.

But for me, that giving in to it really is not a safe thing for me. I'm, I don't even know what that looks like, and I think I'm afraid to even find out what that looks like. So whenever I've had them, it's never been something in my body that's like, just give in to it. I like fight back with my panic attacks.

So that helping me just keep going and going really like keeps me like in it. Um, cause like when my grandma passed, that's been the worst one I've ever had in my life. And when I tell you, like I was in the garage, like stripping, like my son, the whole time was like holding my hands. He was very calm for me.

Like I, I literally was like laying on the cold floor just to like touch something. cold and it was just like, I could not catch my breath. I could not feel myself. That's why I kept holding on my son because I'm like, okay, I can feel you. I can see you. I can feel you. And it's just, sometimes I feel like when you have them, they almost like open up floodgates.

It's like the weirdest thing, how you said about the spiritual stuff and having something try to own you. I think that's what happens. Like if I lean into it too much. And I'm like, I can't, because I do understand that we are, like, like you, you know, we really are spirits, and I know that. This is Smoky Mirrors, you know what I mean?

A little bit of an

illusion, right? The Earth and this life. Yeah. Matrix.

Matrix. That's exactly what it is. I know. That's why that movie was on to something. Yes. Like, for real. Absolutely. All the time. That's the scary part. Yeah. All the time. I know I'm super spiritual. And I know that God really is with me.

And that he's saved my life, like, literally so many times. Like Like, I've seen angels. So it's like when you have that, when, when you, and then when you go through stuff like this, you understand that you have to like, I have to fight. 'cause I, I do, I I do think it is a negative thing that he is using for good,

like a lesson.

So something to learn, maybe to teach others. Mm-Hmm. Or how to get through it. Fight. Mm-Hmm. Like figure it out yourself so you can be better at teaching others how to fight it or get through it. Mm-Hmm. .

Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. . Especially going into psychology. I'm really interested in this giving into. Because this is coming up for me as well because I, I completely relate to fighting it.

Um, the last time I had a panic attack, I think every last time I've ever had a panic attack, I'm always fighting it. I'm just in it and I'm ruminating and I'm like trying to figure out, okay, what is it? What's going on? No, that's not true. Like my mind just goes into hyper drive and it's already pretty active.

But I saw one of our previous guests, Sarah, who's a kundalini yogi and does different somatic work and things like that. And it's probably the most alternative therapy, it's still like a psychotherapy, I think, modality of sorts that she did, but I actually gave in for the first time with her. And I'm one of those people, I don't cry in front of people, like, I'll swallow it until my throat hurts.

Holding the anger, like, cause I feel like, Yeah, most of my life I've had to just push it down. Okay, gotta put on a straight face, because if I show weakness, you know

You know, let me stop you for one, just one second, because I feel like maybe Aisha and you Okay. Uh, it sounds like there was, uh, maybe No encouragement to express emotion when you were kids.

Yeah. Like you had to shut it down. It was

actually like, not like it was bad. Right. You couldn't cry. You think, you think you have something to cry for. I'll give you something. You know. Exactly. That's the top one. Women are seen, girls are seen and not heard. Yeah. Drag in tears. Mm-Hmm. . Like my mom's Caribbean, but I might have to cut that

No. You know, I think. Do not. It's truth. Got it. It's the truth. Mm-Hmm. hard. And for a lot of people it's like that. You know, you can't cry, you can't express your emotions. So you learn to stuff it all in and just present a calm front. But then on the inside there's that Right. Chaos , right.

But I, but then looking back, I'm like, well, that means my, my mom or my parent, whatever, I don't know how much of this I'm gonna keep, but they were doing what they had to do with what they had, because.

In my mom's experience, probably showing emotion was bad. So she's like, well, I'm gonna protect Sophie, cause I don't want her to deal with what I dealt with. But not knowing that swallowing and stuffing that all down, it leads to illness. So, Yeah, I just, I haven't cried in, like, I think I've cried in therapy maybe three or four times, and I've been in therapy a long time.

And, during that session, I was, we were, well, shh, not we, I was crying, and, like, we did this exercise where we just, like, let out, like, a, Uhhh. Just, like, no, but, like, We were loud, and then there was one time I was just like, ageh, and I started screaming. And I was like, ooh, what was that? Like, but it felt so good.

Like, it just felt like I had all this stuff right here. So anyway, the leaning into it, I'm, Opening up to

so you're saying that Aisha perhaps, uh, one day when she's maybe not driving. Yeah Maybe when she's like at home and you have one of those panic attacks trying to lean into it and allowing yourself to fully Experience it because part of the panic attack is being scared of the panic attack And not not worrying, you know, how?

What what's going to happen? Am I going to die? So if you lean into it and you allow yourself You In a safe space experience it just, just kind of like accepting it and allowing yours and loving yourself despite it, you know, and just accepting it.

Wow. I never thought about that. I think I would need to be with somebody.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe you need to see Sarah. She's so good. I think I need to be with somebody.

Um.

Yeah,

she gives you a weighted blanket, and you're sitting on a pillow, you do whatever, yeah, tea, it's so, I felt so safe, and I met her once. We have mutual, mutuals of course, so I knew I wasn't, you know, signing up to see someone crazy, but no, it was, it was really beautiful.

So,

was it like, was it a natural panic attack, or was it just more of you were just kind of

No, I I feel like I don't really have panic attacks anymore, thankfully. But it, but it is a feeling of, um, I kind of, instead of panicking, I kind of go to shutting off and like separating myself from what I'm feeling.

But this was a moment where I was like, okay, we're gonna actually look at what I'm feeling. We're gonna sing this song that I, because I wrote a song about what I was feeling and then I was like, oh, I don't wanna, you know, and then she had me sing it until I, the words actually came outta my mouth 'cause I kept crying so much.

So, um. Yeah, it was, it was a moment where I was like, this is the sacred time where I'm gonna give myself a moment to actually feel and not just be surviving, but rather working through whatever it was. So, anyway. That's my

story. I'm telling you, I love how you said surviving. Yeah. Cause that's the truth. I think a lot of times we're just like surviving.

Yeah.

And a lot of the times we're surviving because we are using still the same coping mechanisms. Mm-Hmm. that we did when we were kids.

Mm-Hmm. .

So we have to, as, as part of our journey is to learn what used to work for us, maybe when we were kids and now maybe doesn't work anymore for us, and how can we modify it.

Right.

Yeah.

And, you know, and I, I, I'll tell you guys that I've never had panic attacks and then, uh. And then, uh, this was probably eight or nine years after my divorce. So I loved my ex husband. I just, you know, I just had such a hard time. Uh, he was such a good guy and he fell in love with someone else.

And then we went through a period of time where, um, you know, he kind of, uh, cried a lot. He had a lot of guilt. But he still wanted to leave me and he, uh, would say different things like, you know, not meaning to hurt me, but just would say things like, you know, it would be easier if I would just die because then he would be able to just move on and he wouldn't have to deal with that whole, you know, divorce and like hurting me and seeing my pain and, you know, but then it was so hard not to take some of these things personally, right?

So it just felt like, you know, somebody stepped in. Somebody that you love is stabbing you in the heart and then twisting the knife, you know, a few times and you're supposed to be okay. So, so it took me a long time, I think, to just sort of move forward. And then, uh, about eight years after that, I was, at a, uh, at a, uh, on a date in a restaurant, first date, and the guy was nice, and he asked me some things about, I guess, maybe my divorce or something, you know, you talk about different things as you, as you meet someone for the first time, and he asked me something, and I was explaining it to him, and I, at that point, I was, I thought that I was so past the grief of over my marriage and, and yet, as I was telling him, I only said like maybe two sentences and then it suddenly got dark in my eyes, I'm in the middle of a restaurant right and like got dark and I couldn't see and I couldn't breathe and I was gasping for air, you know, and I had never nothing like this ever happened to me.

And, uh, and then, uh, all of a sudden, you know, I was just like, It was so dark in my eyes. I was like, I, can you help me? And then I started sobbing and just tears are coming, you know, this guy had to come from the around the table and like hug me, you know, and that helped. And then I was just sobbing and it like came out of the blue, you know, hit me so hard.

Never had anything like this before. And then ever since then, I'm like, my gosh, I truly, uh, admire people. that can get through something like this, and

It's a full body shutdown. Yeah, it's like

a full body shutdown. And it's so overwhelming and hits you all at once, and you don't even know that it's coming, and it is.

And sometimes again, like, you think you're already past something, and then it still hits you. Yeah, still. Like a bunch of bricks, yeah.

Even, like I said, just, you were just even thinking about it.

Amazing, right? But that's why I'm like, oh my gosh, you're amazing. You know, you were having a panic attack and you still made it here and, and you, and you figured out the strength within yourself to still show up and do it, you know?

Like there's not a choice for me and I know, you know, and I definitely want to make sure I like watch it because I know everyone is different, you know, um, but for me it's just not like, I, you know. Like you said, I just have, I have a lot of people, you know, my, like, my children depend on me, um, I depend on me, you know, and it's just like, I just, Don't think I was like, I don't have it.

You know, I mean like I I can't what else am I going to do?

Mm hmm. It also sounds like maybe you were not I said as a child Maybe there wasn't like a choice that you had you you had to do whatever you were told to do You had to do it. You didn't have a choice to say no, you know And so I feel sometimes the upbringing puts us in the in the mindset of you know If we were not cuddled as kids and it was kind of like that You Uh, almost like an army mentality, like, you know, you got yelled at, you, you know, you go into that mode and you have to do it, whatever it is you have right in front of you, you have to do it.

And you, you won't give yourself the option of quitting or, or turning around or doing anything else. You just have to do it. That's all you

know. That's all I know. Yeah. And that's why you said army because my father, he is military. Most of my family is military. And um, so yeah, like that's like, that's just, you know, but it's like, I never, I I never, like, identified with that or, like, fit in with that.

Mm hmm. But I am realizing that some of the traits, you know what I mean, um, I do, I definitely do have. Yeah, cuz I don't, there's just, yeah, like, to just not, like, mm mm, and yeah, it's just like not a thing.

So, you know, so, so, good and bad things come from trauma, right? Yeah. And from, from being around people that, you know, maybe hurt us.

Yeah. But they also, you know, Maybe had some positive influences. So, for example, being persistent. Yes. Being, um, almost stubborn about getting your tasks done and your goals. Yeah. Will lead you to most likely have a successful life, because you will never quit. And most people that don't quit on something will eventually have some kind of success, right?

Because despite the challenges, they don't give up. That's true. So, you know, so, so the bad thing is you could have never expected that. Experience and express your emotions and feel understood and validated and heard by your family. Yeah. But the good thing is, is that As a result of this, you are, you're also not quitting or not, um, giving up on things too easily.

So you're

right.

So you will most likely,

you're right,

you know, achieve great

things in life. You're right. That's, that's very, that's very good. That's, that's really, and I, that's what I'm hoping for. Mm-Hmm. . Um, 'cause I do realize, like I had therapy this morning. I always have therapy every Wednesday. And I just said that to my therapist this morning.

I'm like, I'm realizing that I get really anxious when I haven't completed something. Yes. Right? So like right now, I have this essay that's due. My teacher gave me a couple extra days. It makes me anxious that it's not done. Done, but I've had so much on my, you know, on your place. Yeah Um, so it's like things like I'm really I'm truly Trying to understand Like why I feel the way I feel who I am why these things are happening

Because it

makes me feel better to understand it.

Like I realized I need to understand things For me to feel better, you know, I'm trying to live in the just live You But I'm like, I don't do well there. But, but I know I need to balance that out and I do need to be more of how you said like being in the now and not yesterday and not the future. I'm really trying to be there because I understand like all we really have is right now.

But that's just such a hard thing

for me.

It's so hard,

especially when you were punished for not completing things as a child. So you learned that bad things are going to happen when you don't complete something. But then when you're an adult, there's so many things you have to complete that there's not enough time.

So you have to learn how do I live with the failure almost, right, of not completing the tasks today or tomorrow. So, yeah, but having the Running a list of things and then crossing them off as I manage to find time and forgiving yourself for not being the You know the superstar that you want to be and that you are in your head, you know that you should be in your head

It's it's hard.

I'm working on that. I'm working on that voice. Let's say like it's okay. It's okay You didn't get this done today. I literally say that I have to say that out loud sometimes um Because it's like, yeah, like that is, that is very, very, very, very difficult for me. You

sound like my mom who, um, grew up in a alcoholic home.

Okay. And she was beat for, if, if she wasn't busy doing something, she was beat.

Mm hmm.

So to this day, she's over 60. And, um, I remember being with her, uh, you know, this might be a year ago now, but, uh, it was Sunday around noon and she was working on something and she was trying to incorporate me into the work task that she was doing.

And I started sobbing and I'm like, mom, is this, this how our life is going to be for the rest of our lives? Like, does it have to be like this? Do we have to work every day? freaking minute of every day, like, could you like, just, I said, we came here to enjoy the walk and the dogs and I thought we would sit down and we would just like enjoy being in nature and now you're gardening and pulling weeds and doing God only knows what else.

Can we please, I said, can we just please not work today? You know, and so hard for her because she has that extreme anxiety That if she's not doing something, not being productive every minute of the day, that something bad's gonna happen. She doesn't even know what, but she's just, right? Mm hmm.

Literally.

Like, as soon as you said something bad's gonna happen, like, that's

Mm hmm.

That's me. And see, like, with your mom, which, I hate that. Like, I Even here, I don't know your mom, but hearing that about, like, that hurts my heart, you know what I mean? Because it's just, I hate that people suffer. Like, I don't, that's something that just doesn't sit well with me.

But like, you know, For me, it was, I think, no, I think, I know, um, my childhood, people didn't believe in me, um, I think they felt I was just, you know, more worried about being cute, and having fun, they didn't, they didn't believe in me, and I didn't have people show up for me, and it's funny because it's like, I mean, I had great grades.

I literally graduated a year early and I stayed in school just to have fun though, you know, but I was like already done, you know, um, the moment I graduated, I was going off to college, you know, I mean, um, I wound up marrying my high school sweetheart a year into college, which definitely did not sit well with my father.

He didn't even show up. Um, he actually hung up on me when I told him, but it's like, uh, yeah. Like, my grandmother literally said to me, like, he was, he was a cheater, my, my ex husband was a cheater. Um, and he wound up leaving me, same thing, um, same story. And so, uh, like, the first time he cheated, uh, my, I literally heard my grandmother tell him, like, you know, Oh, don't worry, like, she's not going anywhere.

And then, she told me on the phone, um, like, Like, pretty much like, you know, why would you go anywhere, like, he's like the best thing that's like, happened to you. And then some years later, she, she actually said to me, she was like, uh, you know, I, I didn't think that you were gonna be anything. And I'm like,

what?

You know what? But here's the thing. You hear people say these things, but you also then, as a psychologist, you will start doing it. When you hear someone make a comment or make a statement, what does it say about them? Because it's not really about you. The beliefs they have have nothing to do with you.

It's more about what they know and where they grew up. So your grandma sounds like she just doesn't believe in women, period. Not just you. She didn't believe in herself. She didn't think that she would accomplish anything. She didn't believe that she would be anyone without a guy. And therefore, What is she gonna wish for you, right?

This was your grandma, you said? So what would she wish, wish for you? She must have been brought up in a household where males were superior to females, and maybe even cheated on the females, and that was okay. So why would she expect anything else for you? She just couldn't

see. Yeah, because she didn't have a great relationship with my mother either.

Mm hmm. But

it's funny because like my grandparents, Her, my great grandparents, her parents, um, she was adopted and my great grandmother literally was an angel. Like, this is her wedding ring on my finger. She was married in 1918. I still have her wedding ring on her. Um, I know she's like, she's one of my angels.

She's with me. Um, and, uh, she was amazing. Um, but I think, I think you hit the nail on the head, though. There's something there, I think, with everything, like with being adopted and all that and not, I don't know. really understanding who her biological parents, things like that were. Um, I think that has caused some pain there.

Cause like I said, she was not nice to my, my mom and my uncles. Um, and, uh, these are things also to like, just even saying that out loud. Um, I, I, I have to get comfortable with speaking the truth. I think I try to protect so many people and it's like, I have to understand that telling the truth is not.

Meaning harm. I'm not coming from a place of malice, but it's like there's so many things and when you just are Honest about the truth it does something to you, and I know that's been something that I've been suffering from But yeah, like I She my great grandmother was amazing. Um, so I just there is something there um But it's like, I got the same stuff from my dad's side too though, you know what I mean?

Like from my dad and, uh, my, my sister, like, um, she has said the same things to me, you know what I mean?

Not, no validation, no belief in you,

no supporting you. Every single time, um, Like I said, it's funny how God uses things. So, when I got a divorce, when we got a divorce, um, I was their home mom for our entire marriage.

Um, which is amazing because, you know, I got a chance to do that. My children are amazing. So, that was awesome. I was very, very blessed to have that. Um, so, when we got divorced, I moved back here. And, you know, how we talked about being stripped of everything, you know what I mean? I left my divorce with nothing but a car and my kids, um, and so came back, started a whole new life, um, and I had my cosmetology license and I loved makeup, right?

And so, like, my dad would make fun of me, like, I'd come in the door and he'd be like, you know, like, why do you have, you know, got that blue lipstick on you like a clown, like stuff like, yeah. And all of a sudden, I was cutting hair at Great Clips. And I was managing at Alta. And um, they, we would always have these events.

This was like back when like makeup was like hot. Like palettes and everything like hot. You know what I mean? Like the brain wraps and everything were in store. They were coming in, doing events. And so Urban Decay had came in and they were looking for a new executive. And um, they had asked one of the managers, they were like, we think she was great.

And they were like, we think you, you know, would have a shot at this position once you put your application in, put your resume in. And she turned to me and um, she's reading this email. And she turned to me and she's like, I can't do that. Like, I can't do this. And I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, I can't do that.

And I could see the. Like almost fear in her eyes and I'm like you're really gonna let this like opportunity go? She was like, well, why don't you submit it? And I was like, like Okay, because I'm like, I, I'm literally like their merchandising manager, you know what I mean? And I'm like cutting hair. I'm like, I've never had an executive position in my life.

Like, I'm just getting back into work. So I put my app, I put my resume in. I called my a go getter.

Yeah.

Right? I'm like, auntie, can you help me? She's been consulting for my whole life. And so we do it. And next thing you know, I get a phone call. I wind up going through four, Um, of the, you know, four interview processes until they flew in from California and met me at Starbucks and offered me the position and I know and I'm sitting here looking like, are you kidding?

And, um, I, I wound up having like the second largest region on the East Coast. I had four states, twelve stores. Um, like over a hundred and something employees. I had the headquarters here in Easton. Easton was a flagship store. So we had our Urban Decay headquarters. Um, and I remember just like, my family looking at me like, how did you get that job?

Right? It wasn't, oh yeah. It's never enough. It's never enough. Yeah. And then I went into real estate, and um, I didn't tell anybody.

Because why would you want to be torn apart by them

or not supported? I wouldn't tell them either. I did not tell them. I did it. Went online. Paid for it. Started my classes. I was still with Urban Decay.

So I was literally like going and doing classes and doing homework when I'm away. You know, got my kids and everything. And so I got my license, passed it the first time. And then I told them. And I told them by giving them my business card. That's literally how I told them. And, uh, he put it on the refrigerator, which made me so proud.

And then my uncle came over. My uncle had commented about my piercings. Oh, my gosh. So then, when I come back, I'm not there when they have this conversation. When I leave, it's on the refrigerator. When I come back the next weekend,

he's

like, Yeah. And he's like, um, why did you take that picture with those piercings in?

And I'm like, piercings are part of who I am. And he's like, now mind you, at this point, we're starting to get heated and we're like outside. And, you know, they've lived in this neighborhood now 16 years. Everyone knows us. And so we're like outside. And, um, he's like yelling at me like, no one's ever going to work with you.

No one's going to take you seriously. You're an executive. No one's gonna ever work with me or take me seriously. Oh my gosh. And that's literally what he said to me about going into real estate because of my piercings. Oh. So it's like It's never enough. It's never enough. And I know I have completely adopted that for myself.

So, you know, to bring it full circle and bring it back to the panic attacks, it's like, that's why it's like, you know, I can't let that win. You know what I mean? Like, I can't be, I can't be like, there's something wrong with me. You know? Right. 'cause then, then they'll look at me like, oh, she just wants attention.

They always think that like, oh, she's want, and I'm like, I think because I've always just truly liked to be who I am. Mm-Hmm. And I like me and yeah. I like to be girly and I like makeup and Yeah. Jewelry and stuff. It's like, that's not my family. You know? So it's like they would always just like, I just, you know, it's just like, so it's always.

It bothers them, they see something that maybe they couldn't have, they could never be themselves, they were never as successful, and so the only way to deal with it is to probably

cut you down. To criticize you, yeah. I'm the easy one to criticize. I've, I've, I've, my therapist has helped me understand that they have made a role for me.

Blackship of the family? And that's my You're good. I was assigned I love that, right?

The

microphone just jumped. I'm telling you because, like, these conversations, like I said, are not, you know, I'm really I'm really in the place of my life of being honest

and

not holding on to everyone else's like feelings and secrets and opinions.

Yes. Um, cause it's like, that's not who I am. No. You know what I mean? At all. Like that's just not who I am.

You don't have to accept what other people think about you. I'm just now understanding that.

Yeah. Cause what people think, it's always, it's not, Like, it's not an objective view. Like, people are judging based on everything they've been through, what they think, their insecurities.

And a lot of people aren't doing the hard work you're doing in therapy. You're very self aware. Like, a lot of people just, they just live every day and just, na na na na na, this one, na na na na na, that one. And it's like, whew, what a life.

Yeah, where would you be if you accepted your family's skewed view of who you are?

You would still be with that first husband that was cheating on you. Yeah. And And if you would be beat up and emotionally broken, they would accept it because that's where they think you should be. So why accept anything they think

of you? And that's exactly where I am actually there. And I'm learning healthy boundaries.

And I'm learning that you can love people even if you don't get the love from them that you want. You can still love them, but also protect yourself.

Right.

And that is like Really, really big for me because I'm like, I'm working so hard on my happiness and my peace and, um, to do just to be a really good person, like, you know what I mean?

No matter what. And to be honest, because I feel like we live in right now, there's so many people and I talk to people all the time and how many people are just like miserable, but pretend to be happy, right?

I'm social media, social media is out there. That's

changing though. Yeah. Yeah, I see more people posting like, um, oh, there's this one girl that I, I, uh, look up to and she made this post and she was like, Uh, I don't have healthy boundaries with my family and I always go back to them and just like saying all these things and she just put it all on the table.

All her insecurities, every mistake she's made. I'm like, whoa. And because, you know, you're looking at her and she's just being like, Beautiful person and she's doing all these things and she's like, no, here's what's actually here's my struggles. Then you're like, oh Because even though we know everyone's human and has all their things I feel like when you're looking at social media the brain can almost Can only interpret so much you still feel like that person's doing that or like I'm comparing yourself They're 20 and a billionaire like what did I do wrong?

Literally, but

are you guys doing the right thing? She's going at it. She's she's you're establishing goals You're going after them. You're not letting your panic attacks hold you back. No, you're not letting your family hold you back No, you know and You It sounds like you are, just like Sophie said, just very self aware and going through a psychology degree and then you're going to make a difference in other people's lives and help them get through some of these things, you know?

That's all I want to do. Someone might

hear this podcast and then you made a difference in their life, you know, by just sharing your story.

That's literally, like, that is what has given me, The courage to share my story, because I am definitely a private person. Like, my social media is whack.

I

just actually lost a client, lost a possible client.

Because? Because she told the, my broker that like, I have no social media presence. She was like, yeah, so I didn't like, get the referral. But, um, you know, cause I'm private. Like I just, you know, I, I even stopped posting my clients closings, um, starting, uh, January 2023. I'm like, I, I always felt icky about it.

Like it's not Celebrating success? Well, but it's not my Closing. I'm just there to help them. I'm there to guide them. So, it's more if they post, and then they want to, you know, add me. See what you

mean?

But for me to continue to post somebody else, I'm like, I am boasting about somebody else's win.

But it's your win, too.

You're a real estate agent. Yeah, it's your

win, too. I don't, I just, I don't feel that way.

Well, I think there's some work to be done in counseling here. You have a hard time accepting success, and it sounds like your family had a hard time seeing you as a successful person. So you're holding on to some of the same family, ways in which they view you, you're still viewing yourself through the same lens, you know?

Maybe. I mean, is it icky or is it success? I, you know, it depends how you look at it. Well, I,

I mean, I, I feel like it's success for sure. Like I, I have, you know, my business is built right now pretty much on repeat. And referral clients. So, you know, that, that tells me something. I know it's successful, um, but it's just, I just don't, it's hard for me to be, like, it's hard for me to have people, like, focus on, or, you know what I mean?

It's hard for you to be the

center? Yes, I do not like

that. That's why, like,

We gotta embrace this. I don't like that. You're in the spotlight, woman. You are. A beautiful woman, beautiful soul, Thank you. and being in the spotlight is just something you're gonna have to embrace one of these days. You are a leader in the community.

What, what, what? I mean, what is this? You're a leader in the community. You're a woman that's strong, that made it, that left two guys behind that were no good for her. She's out here. She is going forward. She's fighting for panic attacks and making it through. And you're gonna tell me you're not gonna embrace success.

I'm gonna I'm gonna be dancing on

TikTok. She has a video dancing on her desk. Yeah, do you?

I fell in love with a, uh, a milk frother.

Oh my gosh, I love it. soul following you on TikTok. Yeah. I did not know you were on TikTok. On Instagram.

We're gonna make a pact. You post stuff, I post stuff. Because I stopped posting too.

Did you really? Yeah, because it is, I'm preaching, but it's hard to be in the spotlight.

But I feel like if you're offering something that's helpful, it can help. You know, it's not just like, look at me, I'm awesome. It's like, I don't know, maybe. Our first time homebuyers, here are the things you need to know.

Boom, boom, boom. You can do stuff like that.

Listeners, if you have a home you gotta buy, you gotta go with Aisha because she's gonna help you. She's gonna need to

talk to you.

She has

a

wealth of

information. Well, I do. I've been very blessed in the real estate. I've had great mentors. Um, even though some of them are like crazy.

We're all crazy, by the way. No, no, this is bat crazy. But, but I was, I was able to be put in rooms with, you know, some of the elite of, you know, Columbus and politicians and attorneys and things like that. And, you know, I've got a chance to hear things and understand things. That's, I think, really has helped me and also kind of set me apart.

Um, so, you know, I understand that, you know. But with all that, again, how I said, God's always watching out for me, He's literally always putting people in my path. Um, so yeah, it's just kind of the way, like even like I started, which you know that what we talked a little bit about it. So I started a podcast where just right now we're recording.

It is one of those things where, like you said, helping people and it's meant to be to help people. It's called For My Good. It's meant to help people, uh, bring people on the show to tell their story and how they got through it. Kind of like what I'm doing with you guys, which I didn't know was going to go like this, but that's how it's going.

That is what is going to pull that social media aspect out of me.

Yeah.

Because I understand I have to do it. If I want people to hear these Amazing people's stories, like I have to make it about them, so I have to put myself out there so they can be heard. Yes. Um, and that's kind of like what I'm going to use to get me there.

But the real estate stuff, I just don't feel I need spotlight for that.

It's, it's, it's more of a profession rather than like passion.

Yes. Okay. Exactly. I've never had anyone say that. Mm hmm. That's exactly how I feel about it. Mm hmm. Yeah. It's not my passion. Mm hmm. I love it. Mm hmm. Like, but I know why I love it.

Mm hmm. Because I get to help people. Mm

hmm.

And that makes me really, really happy.

So you, you, you feel dirty or icky when you feel like you're getting something back from that person? Like, if you are going to direct the spotlight back at you, then somehow the, the process of helping them was being somehow washed down or taken away from them.

Yeah. And you don't want to do it that way. Yeah. You don't want to brag about it.

Yeah. I feel like, I feel like they're like, Oh, she only, you know, You know, all she cared about was getting to the closing table. She only wanted to work with me to get to But who's saying

that? Because

it comes

off of She's saying it.

She's saying it. She has that belief.

Mm

hmm. Because somehow making money and being successful, and showing all the good work she's doing and helping people, somehow it makes her feel uncomfortable. It does. That's her belief.

It does. Your belief. It does. It does. It's the belief. The podcast I think was going to be better.

Hopefully. Okay. Mm hmm. I'm really hoping because I know it's going to be a success. Like you said, sometimes you just, I know it's going to be a success because I'm literally putting my everything and I know sometimes when you know, when you're, when you're in your path, you know, it's like, this is the first time I've ever felt like this.

You know what I mean? And

by the way, yes, I know that everyone that's been on our podcast is going to making it. Like a good career, like they are going to be successful. Yeah. I know it. See? Because it's all connected. See? That's what I think about every day. How, how every guest that we ever interviewed is going to be successful because they're such go getters.

Everyone. Love it. See? Where

can our listeners find you and find your podcast once it's,

it will be on YouTube. YouTube? Yep. And it will be, the channel is going to be called For My Good. For My Good. The IG, all the stuff. So right now I have a wonderful young lady who is helping me with that because I have no time in my life.

So I am outsourcing because I am learning, you know, you can't do everything. Definitely once it is up and going, I will make sure you have the link. Okay. And the information. And yeah, and then I can have you on. Okay. Yes, yes, yes, and have you on, because I can tell you have a story, too. Oh, she has such, so many stories.

Come on, and that's what it's truly all about, like, doing this is, like, so organically natural for me. I don't have to force it, and I'm okay with being vulnerable in this way. You know what I mean?

That's awesome. Maybe that's the direction.

It has to be, because the other stuff is just not it. It doesn't

hit.

Yeah. When you feel that feeling, you know. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like, it's, it's, it's like, uh, obligation sex versus passion sex. Amen.

It is night and day. Yeah. Wouldn't be the Naked

Truth without a sex

metaphor. We

love

the sex metaphors. Helping us find some good hotties, you know what I mean? Yeah. Where y'all at?

I know, where are you all at?

Might have to outsource.